Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize