And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
