people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
