After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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