That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i was in the wii world.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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