if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
