Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize