but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
