first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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