You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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