Kiss
Puke
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
