If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
