I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
FUCK WHALES
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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