my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
