tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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