Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
