Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
