yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
