Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
