took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize