I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
