If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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