This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
