i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
