Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
