This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
