thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
