Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
