8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
