she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
