Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
