I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
