Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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