I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
