you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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