if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
