ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
