Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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