we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We smell like vodka and hangover
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