we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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