Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
