Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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