My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he shaved USA in his pubs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
