I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
