bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is my gift to your gina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
