I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize