Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
