I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
