Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
