This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
