i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
