She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
