So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize