If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
