my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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