I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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