it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
