I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
