Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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