OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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