He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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