Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize