Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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