There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
