Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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