Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
