you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
