On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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