She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
