Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
