so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
