Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize