She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
