Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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