is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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