there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
