he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
foreskin is a definite game changer
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
