So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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