I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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