apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
