Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
