drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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