the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize