that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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