As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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