On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
