mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
