Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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