I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
FUCK WHALES
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
