I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
