Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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