is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
