DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
