She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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