I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
