Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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