She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
