if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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