i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
