so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
