Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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