You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
