I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
