We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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