She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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