did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
