blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
