Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
