Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
