Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
